26 February 2008

High, Hi, Hello

I've had a crappy week. From start to finish, last week just sucked. To push me over though on Saturday I got my bloodwork results back. I seriously thought my A1c would have dropped or possibly stayed the same from when the last time I got it done... but no. It went up... a whole percent! UGH! I feel like I've failed myself, I try so hard and then *bam* not good enough. Will it ever be good enough? How much harder do I need to push myself? All Saturday I beat myself in the head about it and was super depressed. Then, later on, I talked with some dia-buddies in Ecuador and they gave me some good advice... so I've calmed down a little... not much... I'm still mad. Ah! RELAX!!!! ok ok....
I know I shouldn't be mad and that's just how things go but for the first time in nearly eight years I began to worry about future complications. All the maybe's and what if's tore through my brain. How could I have let myself slip like this?? This is what I want to do with my life, how can I teach people how to care for themselves if I can't even care for me!? Is my insulin old? [no] Do I eat too much junk? [no] Why can't I get this?
Then, I took a deep breath and shut off my brain.
On Sunday, I decided I need to make some changes. I need to continue with my exercise because it makes me feel good. I need to cut some of the crap out of my diet [for now] until I can get my A1c down. I need to find that stupid cable that's in a box somewhere in the garage so I can upload my meter. My numbers were great that day too... probably cuz I was checking like a maniac and went to the gym for almost two hours...
I go back to Dr. J in May hopefully with better news...
::sigh::
This sucks.

4 comments:

The Old Man & His Dog said...

Great blog. I know how you feel. I was 6.5-7.5 with just oral meds since diagnosed back in 1995 and now I'm 9.0 and going to the Endo tomorrow at 9:30. Wish me luck. I have a feeling I'll be starting insulin tomorrow.

Naomi said...

Jules, I'm so sorry! How very frustrating. Sometimes it seems like no matter what you do the numbers are crazy. We've been having so many highs lately (teen growth spurts?) that I'm afraid to see our next lab results.

But you really have to go day by day. Exercise is good, healthy food choices are important... I know you will do what you have to do to live a long, healthy life!! :-)

k2 said...

Hang In There Girlfriend!

And back away from that ledge of Diabetes what ifs.

Naomi is right, one day at a time.
And keep in mind that if you've had the flu,cold or the likes there of, it does affect your A1C.

We are all sending u positive A1C vibes!
Kelly K

The Old Man & His Dog said...

Thanks for the encouragement. I started Lantus two days ago. So far no positive results.