motivation

We all need it. We all get it from different sources. We could always use a little more.

I could certainly use yours. How do you stay motivated to care for yourself after all the years of tests and doctors and frustration?

My 15 year dia-versary is in March and I'm planning to celebrate in a big way in 2015.

My main goal for 2015 is be in better control and live harder. I've let myself slip and I know that I need to do all I can to stay focused on my health and well-being to avoid complications down the line. I've found an app that I really like to log my BS. So there's that. What else is there? How do you do it?

no limits

I recently came across a post on Facebook that made me stop and say wow. I couldn't stop clicking through links and pictures and then I realized I'd been clicking for over an hour and being totally inspired by this journey. I'm not sure who this person is, not even sure what his name is but I'm inspired by his journey and passion.

I'm referring to LivingVertical. So many times we've all heard or thought that something was now impossible because we've been diagnosed with T1D. Well, this guy broke down all of those stereotypical thoughts by rock climbing his way around the States and living out of a car. All while managing his T1D the old fashioned way. It almost makes me want to do the same, except I've only been rock climbing three times or so (once actually outdoors) and I don't think my cat would do well living in a car. I'd need an RV. Definitely an RV. He also takes amazing photos. Something that I'm also passionate about. His journey has planted a new line of thinking in my head and now I feel inspired to do more. To live harder and more passionately without thinking I have limits just because I have T1D. What would you do without limits? What are you doing because you know there are none?

my life, my style

[this was caught in my draft box but read over it and still thought it was worth sharing]

So, I got some flack in the dlife blog world for my comments that diabetes is a lifestyle and not liking the words "diabetic" or "disease". Here are my thoughts and opinions on the above... There are so many more aspects to diabetes than most people could ever possibly imagine. Diabetes is a part of my everyday life, it is what I do, it is what I want to teach people about, it is a part of who I am [note: I did not say who I am - just a part]. Together we rise and fall like the sun - constant, sometimes glorious, sometimes dark - but definitely always around. Aside from the injections, glicemias, glucotabs, etc., the part of diabetes some don't venture to talk about is the psyco-social aspect. In one of my college psych classes we watched a film called "What the bleep do we know?". Some parts were good, some were just ridiculous, but one part has stuck with me. Dr. Masaru Emoto is a Japanese scientist who has studied the effects of water and our consciousness, sounds silly I know but once you've seen it, it's hard to forget. 

The gist is that positive reinforcements or negative actions have either postive or negative effects on ourselves. The example in the movie is the main character constantly telling herself that she is ugly and awkward and stupid. Dr. Emoto believes this changes our bodies ability to function properly and becomes more susceptible to illness. On the other hand, when you think highly of yourself and have daily positive reinforcements our bodies are healthier because they are stronger. I have brought this concept into my daily life and my diabetes management. If I were to wake up daily saying how much I hate diabetes, how this disease is going to kill me, and/or how I wish I for some other body than the one I have with functioning organs, in essence, I'd be making myself worse. These negative thoughts and ideas have a profoundly harmful effect on our lives and how we perceive ourselves. So no I don't say I have a disease, but a condition. I don't say I'm diabetic, but have diabetes. This is why. In all logic, yes, it means the same thing but the way I think about my condition doesn't have to have the same effect. Diabetes is my lifestyle because it is the way in which I choose to live. Happy, peaceful, calm, proud, healthy. I did not choose diabetes, it has chosen me - like a stray animal never wanting to leave your side... sometimes you're friends, sometimes you want to kick it in the head. Oh sorry, off topic, please don't kick animals that's just mean and bad karma and I really love animals. Because of diabetes, I have found some amazing people and an inner-strength I may have never needed or found otherwise. 

We all have trials and tribulations but to add diabetes on to all of that, it can either make you or break you [sorry to be so cliche]. I choose to think this way about diabetes because I don't see any other way to do so. Diabetes is not something you can fight. In battle someone always loses and diabetes is going to be around for awhile. You must learn to live with it, to accept it, to rise and fall and rise again.

Feel the love. http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto

long lost letters

wow. so much has happened since my last post. but i've been inspired to write again by a great friend and some recent life experiences, especially in regards to the 'betes.

this quote means so much to me right now. i can't help but think about the daily ups and downs of living with diabetes and how difficult it can be. quite frankly, it can be exhausting. i'm exhausted. but still we must carrying on.

i started logging my blood sugars again (yes, again, i know i should never have stopped... to err is to be human... and all that jazz) because i've been slipping and need to maintain tighter control. i need to take care of my body. every other aspect of my life is in some way recorded. i write down my exercise routines. i photograph my life. i make lists for just about everything... except for the biggest part of my life... my diabetes management. so for almost two weeks now i've been logging and realizing how out of whack i've been allowing myself to be. one of my biggest concerns is going low while i work out so, for some reason, being high was my option. that is not a good option. so i'm taking control. writing down my food (and being very boring about what i eat for now) and blood sugar levels, testing way more frequently to get a better sense of a pattern that might emerge.all the necessary things. i've also enlisted an amazing friend (nurse and cde) to be my coach. he's such a help... an inspiration that we can do this.... i mean he knows the drill too he's had diabetes for nearly 50 years. asking for help is also something i'm not too good at but i think we can all use the extra motivation, schedule time to talk with someone about what's going on in our lives. we must take care of our bodies.

as far as my 'diet' is concered i'm following the paleo diet. no grains. no legumes. only heavy cream/butter, if at all. i've also cut out coffee because it seems to make me go high and have switched to unsweetened green tea with lemon.

i'm starting to feel more in control of myself but not in an ocd way that will make me go crazy. i have reached the point where i do love my body and that the outside noise is just that, noise. the temptation to eat outside of my chosen lifestyle is fading. (but that's not to say people with diabetes can't eat whatever we want, because we can). i just choose not to because i'm trying to stay physically fit and lower my bmi and really change the way my body looks by increasing my muscle mass. anyway. it feels good to be back and i hope to continue to find time to write more about my journey in this crazy life. and i hope you continue to find it interesting.

i'm open for questions/comments so please feel free to ask me anything.

to our health.

endo day

today i have an endo appt. i'm anxious bc i know my blood work is in and i'm hoping for good news, though i'm not really expecting to hear any. i'm also working toward my 11 year diaversary - march 15. this is going to be an emotion day. after this long, i thought i'd be over the emotional roller coaster with D but it seems there are still things that can upset me.... that's life though right? in other news, if you shop at Gap/Banana Republic/Old Navy you can save 30% and in the process donate 5% to the JDRF.

go forth and shop my friends!

retail therapy does wonders ;)

changes

so recently, the jdrf revealed it's new mission - which no longer focuses on a cure as it's main goal. jdrf is changing focus to help those of us with diabetes to live better lives with diabetes. i'm having seriously mixed emotions about this whole ordeal. on one hand i kind of knew all along i would never be "cured" on the other, i always had hope. hope is what kept me going - that one day i will no longer wake up to my daily routine of bg check, insulin, food, repeat. i don't need the jdrf to focus on me living better, i need the jdrf to figure out why. why me? why us? why diabetes? there has to be a logical reason, there has to be a way to stop it from happening. yes. technology does help me live a better life than the one my grandfather had but no i'm not content knowing one less group is looking for a cure. the dri continues to be "the best hope to a cure". i know where my money is going now... sorry jdrf... you give up on me, i give up on you.

one day.

c'est la vie

i've been back from Paris for about a week now and still can't get over how AMAZING my blood sugar was while i was there... and no i did not behave. every morning for breakfast i had eggs, potatoes and 2, yes 2! chocolate croissants. for lunch i had more bread. and dinner i had more bread and cheese and wine and it was divine. my theory is not only was i walking everywhere [we barely sat long enough to have lunch] but i was blissfully happy. no stress, no thinking about my lack of full time employment, no worries about traffic... i was just peacefully content being lost in a new land. i've tried to bring my new outlook back with me to DC but it hasn't been as successful as i'd like. i don't get to walk very much, i work out frequently but at times that aren't too convenient. the eggs and potato breakfast quickly went by the wayside and there are no croissants waiting for me by the coffee pot.

i found an endo i like better than previous ones and he seems like he can shake me up a bit. i think i'm on the right track... i've also been journaling my numbers so i can get a better idea of how they're behaving. hopefully this will be the new beginning of a wonderful life together, big D and i.

here's hoping...

hip! hip! ....

so as we know it's diabetes month! whoop whoop! and today i have my first endo appt with a brand, spanking new doctor. we shall see how that goes. i've been feeling really down about this whole diabetes things lately and i could use some good advice. hopefully, i'll really like my new endo and he can get me back on track because lately things have been crazy. crazy bad, not crazy good. anywho... here's a great video from TuDiabetes and that picture of the cute little girl holding up the bottle of insulin? that's one of AYUDA's campers. [legally, i don't know if they're allowed to use that photo but whatever it's cute and of course everyone loves it. i just think AYUDA should get a little credit for it].

‎"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can."

i.f.

so since saturday i've been trying a new "diet". it's more of a change in eating times than an actual diet. it's called intermittent fasting and the idea is that you only eat between 11am - 7pm or noon - 8pm... so far it hasn't really been too difficult. last night i needed some orange juice "after hours" bc my b.s. was too low to go to sleep at. and this morning i had some coffee and made my way into the office. so far so good. my bs also seems to be in slightly better control bc i haven't let myself eat past 8pm (something my doc in Miami told me to do anyway). thoughts? do you think that eating late has a serious effect on your b.s. too?

work it out

here are 3 of my newest favoritest blogs out there in regards to nutrition and exercise!
http://www.leangains.com/

http://firthfitness.com/

http://www.myomytv.com/

i really think these are some of the best tips out there... covers everything from kettle bell workouts to irish stew to new ways of thinking about "dieting". healthy changes = healthy lifestyle. as a person living with diabetes, the two most important things i do for myself are working out (at least 5x/week) and eating a healthy diet (with some occasional cheating). so get out there, grab some weights and get to it!

In these changing times, make a renewed commitment to yourself to lead a healthy life. Here are some tips to help you find balance, stay focused and gain perspective. IT'S THE MIND OF THE TIMES.

1. Exercise When you exercise you are present in the moment and not focused on worries and concerns. Studies show that cardiovascular and resistance training can help reduce stress and boost endorphins. Try a minimum of 30 minutes of vigorous exercise most days of the week.
2.Get enough sleep Insufficient sleep can make it more difficult to cope with the normal challenges of daily life. Most adults need 7-8 hours of sleep to function optimally.
3. Eat well A balanced diet high in fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins can help reduce stress by stabilizing blood sugar levels. Combine carbohydrates, protein and healthy fats at each meal to fuel and energize your body.
4. Pay it forward Studies show that people who approach life with a positive attitude are less stressed. Begin and end every day by making a mental list of the things for which you are grateful.
5. Live in the moment Accept that some things are out of your control. Rather than worrying about what will happen next week, next month or next year, focus on making decisions that will lead you in the direction of your goals.
6. Get organized Being disorganized can add to your stress level. Knowing where things are and reducing clutter lets you focus on the important things.
7. Meditate Studies show that people who meditate regularly have more activity in their left frontal cortex and less activity in the amygdala – both of which are associated with calmer emotional states. There are many ways to meditate. Practice yoga, take a walk in nature, sit quietly, spend time with your pet or take a bubble bath.
8. Say no when necessary Avoid taking on more than you can accomplish. Do not feel guilty saying “no” to unnecessary obligations and responsibilities.
9. Hydrate Drink plenty of water throughout the day. Water regulates body temperature, aids in the absorption of vitamins and nutrients and detoxifies the liver and kidneys.
10. Lean on your support system People who have a strong social network of family and friends typically report less stress and a better ability to cope. Don’t be afraid to ask for support from close friends and family during these times.
(from the equinox.com site)

keep moving!

endo schmindo

looking for a new endo in the DC metro area... anyone have one they love?! when i lived here a couple of years ago i never found one i really liked...
i just started keeping a log again, hopefully this time i'll actually make myself do it. it really is very helpful to see all of your numbers in one little book. i tried to track them in an iPhone app but wasn't too successful at that.

progress.

priorities

it seems that people are all too focused on politics in this day in age - on race, on sides, on everything except what is important - living a healthy, meaningful life.
can't we all just get along?!

let's focus all this energy on something more meaningful - on research, on jobs, on life. i don't know about you but i would like to not have diabetes one day, a job tomorrow and a healthy life! what's it going to take?

[i think i'd forgotten how much i semi-anonymously love going on rants. it's good to be back.]

Controversy

I think type 2 diabetes should have another name. This is what I've come up with - Metabolic Syndrome, Insulin Deficient - or some form thereof.

I hope someone important is reading this and decides I'm right, because I am.

Sweet dreams.

Update...tis the season...

So, yes. I know I've been out of commission for quite some time now. Well, honestly, I've been busy. This is my second to last semester of graduate school. I will graduate with a Master of Public Health in April ::fingers crossed:: and after that... I really don't know. I need a job. Badly. I'm looking to stay in Florida, not necessarily Miami, possibly Orlando. Miami has been good, not great. I love the beach, I could do without most of the people. It really is a different world down here and I'm glad to have lived here but it might be time for another change... anyway we'll see what happens...
In diabetes news... My A1c is not where I want it to be, a little high... much like this December warm front 80+ degrees yesterday!)... I'm due to go back to the DRI at the end of January if I can get my insurance straight. I may have to find another doctor and not an endo because the visits aren't being covered for my "pre-existing condition". bull shit. I hate insurance companies. All of them... car insurance, medical insurance...
However, eventhough my A1C is up, I think it's up because I pretty much am never low. I now take 16u of Lantus divided into 8u twice a day and my Novolog ratio hasn't changed any still 1u to 15 carbs. I exercise on a regular basis (6x per week) for at least an hour. My diet, however, oh my diet... what can I say about that... well I've been naughty. Santa will be mad. Too many starches, etc. including desserts. I am definitely an advocate of people with diabetes eating whatever they want. Damnit we can! I just do it at the wrong times of day... like at night... before I go to bed... then I wake up high. Not a good way to start the morning. Slowly but surely I am getting that under control. Habits are hard to break.
That's all for now. I have to wake up early tomorrow for an event - I work for the Florida Heart Research Institute doing cardiovascular risk screenings... have to be there by 7am, on a Sunday. I enjoy it though!

Do what you love.

j

Happy Holidays everyone!!

More of the Same

So the other day I had my 3rd or 4th visit to the DRI since January. I still absolutely love it there. Dr. M is great and keeps me in check. She burst my bubble though because I haven't been logging my life so I started to log my life... what I eat at what time and what my BS is and how much exercise I get... throwing in my weight too so I can keep track of that better. I gained a few pounds since the last visit which I am not too pleased with... but it could just be muscle because I've been working out ridiculously. Most of the morning lows I was having at the previous visit are done and gone. We changed up my Lantus regime and have been playing with Novolog doses. Hopefully, by my next visit I'll have this down better. There are so many factors that affect BS levels sometimes I just want to give up. After 9 years, I was getting worn down but Dr. M and my CDE are amazing and have been a great addition to my hectic life. But really, what else can you do?! C'est la vie.

Progress

Today was my first appointment at the DRI here in Miami. I was very pleasantly surprised. I didn't have to wait for very long [other than for the actual appt...] and the doctors were very nice and actually spent time talking to me. Other than the "yeah ok you have diabetes... how are your numbers?? need refills??" in and out kind of visits. How refreshing. People that care. Feels good. I like.
My past endo visits have been less than thrilling to say the least and had left the office more frustrated than ever. I hadn't found an endo that I liked since I was first diagnosed at Children's Hospital in New Orleans. Geez. What a relief. I feel better just knowing that I like my doctors!
And right then and there they checked my HbA1c... only took 6 minutes. 6 freaking minutes can you believe that!? Even got all the bloodwork taken care of after talking with my new doc across the hall from the room. So simple. Except the girl who drew my blood was a newbie and pressed down a little too hard during the process... made me feel faint. But all is well. No fainting.
Aaaaand my A1c is down! Woohooo!! I've really been working hard on that and I think I would have gone crazy if it hadn't... even though I still don't believe in the complete accuracy of them [and you can read a prior post for why]. But still it gives me a major sense of accomplishment.
Dr. M also suggested that I go talk to a CDE about management since I've been having too many low's in the AM [because of the lantus I say...] so I'm obliging and going on Monday afternoon. I hope my insurance won't freak out about so many doctor's visits... I go back to see Dr. M in two months. Hopefully with less morning lows.

To tomorrow.

Momma always said...

there'd be days like this... eat all your veggies... stop bugging your sister... go outside and play.
ok momma always said a lot of different things. as a future public health practitioner i must agree with all of the above. which brings me to my point. i'm taking a course this semester in which we've had two very interesting assignments so far. 1. track everything i consume for 2 weeks then analyze it. 2. track all physical activity for 1 week then analyze it. for those of us with diabetes we know how important physical activity is for management. i'm still in the middle of week 1 of assignment 2 but i get a lot of physical activity... not quite sure how to analyze it or change any behaviors that i already have. maybe i could buy that bike i've been thinking about??so as i was consuming my 100 calorie yoplait light vanilla yogurt [thanks assignment 1] the thought crossed my mind... what would i have to do to burn off these 100 calories... so i googled it. here are some very humorous and rather random things one could do to burn 100 calories:
-run a mile in 5 minutes [or less]
-jump rope for 9.5 minutes while humming the "Rocky" theme song
-play racquet ball for 7 minutes, 17 seconds
-play tennis for 9 minutes
-tread water for 14.5 minutes
-walk uphill for 13 minutes
-go two rounds with Mike Tyson [geez i thought it'd be less...]
-play half a period of hockey
-slow dance through 7 songs
-sip ice water all day long. 8 16- oz glasses of ice water raises your metabolism (the rate which your body burns calories) and burns an extra 100 calories.
-paint the house or clean gutters for 16 minutes
-shovel snow for 12 minutes [thank goodness i don't have to worry about that! maybe i could shovel sand....]
-push a pencil for 45 minutes
-type for 48 minutes
-jump up and down on the bed 1336 times
-do 97 pushups @ 10/minute
-plant 2 medium sized trees [does size really matter?!]
-do 146 crunches @ 15/minute
-ride your bike to work [as long as it takes about 20 minutes]
-man a sailboat for 26 minutes
-read the newspaper for about an hour
click the link on the first one for more ideas ;)
Good Housekeeping also had some ideas for those who keep good houses...
or you may prefer this quick 10-minute workout.

on another note... tomorrow in the AM is my first endo appointment here in Miami. It's at the DRI. I'm anxious to say the least because my last HbA1c was, well, not what i expected.

and stop biting your nails!

Baby steps...

Some quick and exciting news on the stem cell research front ... to begin this summer in patients with spinal cord injuries...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/23/stem.cell/index.html?iref=werecommend
This could lead to major developments for other injuries and conditions... like ::ahem:: diabetes. Could a cure be closer than we think?

I know...

I've been M.I.A. in MIA... what can I say, I'm a busy lady. But in the midst of all the New Year commotion and new President excitement I saw a link to this article on PubMed from Children with Diabetes. It's a study of young children with Type 1 in which they were randomized to either be on the pump or a rigorous insulin regime [geez who isn't!?] and the results they found were rather... interesting.

Here's the link again in case it doesn't work:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=19140899

Loving the change.

Dream

Last night I had a dream that I was in a plane crash.
I was on a big 737 with one of my best friends who I've known practically my whole life. Just us. Her and I. And the pilot. The pilot was old with grey hair and a white beard and moustache.
The crash happened fast but nothing even happened to the plane. We landed in a river right on the side of a town. All the townspeople were watching from the shops along the river. My friend opened the plane dooor for the emergency exit and a yellow slide blew up that we could slide down into the water. The water was brown and dirty. She held her breath and jumped out and slide down into the water. I think the water was even shallow enough to stand in. But I wouldn't jump. I was running around the empty plane looking for my purse. She kept screaming for me to get out of the plane, that it might explode, but I wouldn't without my purse. I needed it. Then when I found it I was looking for something I could put it in so it wouldn't get wet. She kept screaming, "get out! get out!" I shouted back, "I need my purse! My insulin is in it!" So I finally got my bag and jumped and slide down into the water. When I hit the water I made sure to hold my bag above my head so it wouldn't get wet. We swam to shore. All three of us. Then I woke up.

Even in my dreams I have diabetes. I guess there is no escaping.