12 October 2007

Proof of Life

For those of you with diabetes, I think you will understand me when I say that my life is like a science experiment. So when asked 'what's it like to have diabetes?' I respond 'like a science experiement'. However, when I tell this to lay-persons they stare back at me quizically trying to comprend what I mean. I mean my life is run by numbers, tests, checks, re-tests, critical thinking, methodically planned events, trial and error, hypotheses, data ... science experiment. You'd think I'd be better in math by now...
Numbers run my life - age, weight, bank account, metro fares, time, distance, blood sugars, insulin doses, carb counting, nutrition labels... it's a never ending list.
I've recently re-started to log my blood sugars. I used to keep a cute little journal on my kitchen counter then I stopped after I moved to Maryland. I decided I should start again so now I have an Excel spreadsheet with time and doses and all those great little columns such as 'other', 'exercise' and 'notes' to analyze why my numbers are what they are. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it just doesn't. Diabetes is funny like that - such a joker. Logging, I belive, is a great way to stay in better control because you are fully aware of the number in that little box and all the other digits and data in the little boxes.
If I were diagnosed in elementary school this would have always been my project for the science fair. I definitely would have won over that girl who did the volcano project... ugh so chiche. But not everyone's imperfect like me, not everyone gets to have my amazing statistical and critical thinking abilites and must indeed rely on volcano projects and the solar system. Be jealous, it's ok, I totally understand. I am, after all, pretty awesome.
Experiments aside, diabetes has given me a greater respect for life and a better understanding of my body. It forces me stop and take a breather, to cherish the things that I have been given and the people that I would have never met had I never been diagnosed. So after all of these years, and probably many more to come, my daily experiments will continue. It may never come to a conclusion but I have my proof, my proof of life.

1 comment:

AmyT said...

Yes, a science experiment. Totally.

See also Scott J's dLife column on how we are all "self-made scientists" at http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowContent/daily_living/Viewpoints/johnson_020807.html