I try not to dwell on things that make me sad, on things I cannot change, on things that depress me or make me think life sucks. I'm not that kind of person. Generally. I'm dwelling. Right now, whole lot of dwelling goin on. Oh yeah. Major dwell-age. Normally, I don't let the big D drag me down. But at the moment, I'm in a poorly lit back ally and it's beating the crap outta me... we're having a knock down all out knife fightin brawl a la West Side Story. I've got the stab wounds to prove it... Can I please say "uncle" and crawl into bed and sleep it off for a bit? Me rindo!!I'm all about diabetes empowerment and being "stronger than diabetes" and the whole bit. This week, man, this week has just got me backed into a mental corner, unable to escape my own thoughts about how much I hate living this way. This is not me... this is not my style. Diabetes usually doesn't bother me this much. I've accepted it long ago and even come to derive joy from it's idiosyncrasies. Hopefully by next week I'll feel more like myself and not the major failure, whining child that I so desperately want to embrace. For the rest this week, however, I am unable. Unable to stop the thoughts, the mental hate mail addressed to my pancreas.
Yours truly.
p.s. I love you.
4 comments:
Hey, I understand all those frustrating challenges that you go through! As I'm writing this I think I'm low and have to drag myself to the kitchen for some chocolate soymilk. I wish as much as you do that it would go away. It seems like I've learned my lesson, gotten enough out of it, and ready to stop pricking my finger time in and time out. Just remember that you are such a positive person and it is completely and totally okay and healthy to be pissed and have a bad attitude for a while and feel like whining and complaining about diabetes. Believe me, I do it all the time :)
remember I am always here if you need to vent!! hang in there Julie!
Hey, I understand all those frustrating challenges that you go through! As I'm writing this I think I'm low and have to drag myself to the kitchen for some chocolate soymilk. I wish as much as you do that it would go away. It seems like I've learned my lesson, gotten enough out of it, and ready to stop pricking my finger time in and time out. Just remember that you are such a positive person and it is completely and totally okay and healthy to be pissed and have a bad attitude for a while and feel like whining and complaining about diabetes. Believe me, I do it all the time :)
remember I am always here if you need to vent!! hang in there Julie!
Aaaah, Jules, I'm sending you (((hugs))). Sorry I'm so late reading your posts... there seems to be a universal shake up going on in people's lives right now!
I hope you are feeling better today, that the sun came out and cheered you up! Sometimes it is easier to think about what you have to deal with, diabetes-wise, for just the day ahead than for the months/years. One day at a time.
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