Sickly

Starting a day or so ago I haven't been feeling 100%. Got a cold. I haven't been sick for maybe two years... yeah... amazing... I know. I take my vitamins daily and eat well and exercise about 6 days a week but sometimes it's just unavoidable. I'm linking it to taking the Metro. It has to be the most germ-infested place in the world. All those people crammed into a tiny space, coughing, sneezing, wheezing and the like then grabbing onto the bars and hand rails so they don't fall over when it suddenly jerks around. Gross!! Think of all that bacteria just festering on those poles... ::shiver:: Do they even disinfect them at night?

Hmm I wonder what Dr. Oz would say about this... Did anyone else see the show he did on Oprah with the lady who never threw anything away and had the same pillow for about 40 years?! naaaaasty. Needless to say there were more bacteria in her kitchen sink than in her toilet. That's somewhere I won't be visiting anytime soon.
Anyway. Back to my point. What was my point? Oh yeah, so my numbers have been amazing! Better than amazing... hmm what's better than amazing?? Well that's what they've been. From what I remember though getting sick has made my numbers go all over the map but luckily this time [minus one rebellious checking] I have been perfectly "in range". Ah-mazing. This just goes to show how ridiculously unpredicatable diabetes can be.
I just hope this cold goes away stat! [and my numbers stay the same!] My cruise is in 7 days!! :D
And yes, I am going to the gym even though I'm sick... no rest for the wicked.

Peace. Love. Insulin.

PS. Anyone have diabetes/cruise stories to share??

Thanks and Giving

Muchas gracias. Merci beaucoup. Danke. Grazie. Muito obrigado.
There are endless ways to say thanks, thank you. But today is the day we're supposed to mean it. Today is the day we gather with friends and family and celebrate how grateful we are to have each other in our lives. It is a word that gets tossed around so freely that at times it seems to have lost its meaning. What does it mean to be thankful... to be full of thanks, to be happy someone did something for you? According to Mr. Webster it means to be grateful, to express gratitude, to have kindly or grateful thoughts. Think about it. How many times during the day do you say it and mean it? Well, today I'm saying it as often as possible and to everyone I love. Thank you. I mean it with all my heart. I'm thankful for everything I have in my life. I'm thankful for my family and friends, my intellect, my body, my ability to love, laugh and grow, I'm even thankful for being pancreatically challenged. It has taught me many lessons... how to accept change, how to be strong, how to lose gracefully and keep on trying... and trying.
My family and friends have also been great in supporting me and keeping me going, especially when I feel it's getting harder and harder. For that I am thankful. Without them I would not be standing, I would have fallen years ago. What are you thankful for? To whom do you give thanks? How do you show thanks?
Enough thanks, now to giving.
I have talked about AYUDA probably more than anything in this blog of mine because as I say every time, they have changed my life. Yet another thing to add to the list o' thanks. I am thankful for their kindness, passion, courage and love. I am thankful for the children, camp and seemingly endless nights of blood sugar checks. I am thankful AYUDA exists. [Ok, now I'm done with thanks, for now...]
To keep AYUDA going and bringing these experiences to others, I am asking for you to keep AYUDA in your thoughts this holiday season and throughout the rest of the year. Donating to AYUDA in someone's name is a great gift to give. What could be better than giving health and happiness to a child? No amount is too small... or too large and you're helping change someone's life. Be thankful for all that you have and pass on your gifts to someone truly in need. AYUDA is starting a new program in Bolivia in January and to continuing creating new programs and camps we need support. So please, do what you can, even telling a friend about AYUDA is helpful.
Thank you from the bottom of my pancreas.
Much love.

Ways to donate:
Online:
www.ayudainc.net
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/view_cause/5912?h=plw&recruiter_id=2047798
or click the Global Giving widget on the left side of this blog.

Mail:
AYUDA, Inc.
P.O. Box 12206
Arlington,VA 22219

Feel free to mention how you learned about AYUDA...

Thank you! Have I said that enough yet? One more time... Muchas gracias, con todo mi corazon. Juntos somos mas fuertes!!

Stress

So if you know me even the slightest you know I don't stress easily. I'm a very laid back, easy going kinda gal, I just take what life gives me and I deal with it. I think diabetes has had a lot to do with this attitude of mine [as well as growing up in Louisiana]. But there are a few things that are able to make me want to pull my hair out or sleep for two days straight, out of sheer avoidance. One of those things is coming up on the 16th of this month... the GRE. I know, I know. I should have taken it right after college then I wouldn't have to be dealing with it now but I also tend to procrastinate things like this because of the stress factor. I keep telling myself that I'm going to study but I keep looking over at that packet and returning to whatever it was that I was doing before. Like now for instance... instead of reading that stupid packet I'm blogging...
This test holds my future hostage. For four hours I will be in a room sitting in front of a computer answering questions I probably haven't even thought of since freshman year or before. That makes me anxious. Answering questions that hold the key to the rest of my life stresses me out. Without it though, I am unable to get into the graduate program I want so I can stop doing temp work and actually have a career and accomplish my goals and dreams. When all is said and done and I've graduated [hopefully within the next 2.5 years] I will hold [again, hopefully] a Masters in Public Health and going to work in the diabetes realm. I want to also become a Certified Diabetes Educator so I can continue educating myself and others with diabetes, specifically in under served populations in the states and abroad. I'd also like to continue volunteering with AYUDA and going back to camp with a larger role, even though I absolutely love being a counselor, I can't do it forever. But I can always be involved some how.
If only it weren't so scary and stressful... maybe I'm just making it a bigger deal than it should be... maybe not....
Peace, love and insulin.

Gluttony

Awhile back I was told, by someone dear to me, that I am a glutton for punishment. After thinking about it for a long time, I've realized how true that really is. I push myself to the limits, to see how much I can take, to see how much I can withstand before being unable to stand at all. Sometimes I feel as though I am about to fall but I catch myself and keep going. This life with diabetes is much of the same. Everyday I test my boundaries, highly aware of the consequences but unable to avoid my own curiosity. There are times when I just want to stop, to give in and succumb to this condition and let it take over so I don't have to work so hard anymore. It would be so nice to be able to take a break, just for a minute... to catch my breath. Then there are the other times when I realize how stupid that is, there are no time-outs. I must keep pushing myself. To the point of breaking, I continue. I have been broken down but never broken beyond repair.
Gluttony and diabetes aren't generally two things you would pair together - hopefully - but I can see the connection of the two within me. But instead of in the normal context of binge eating, I am a glutton for living beyond normal means... to test my body. Possibly to see if I can handle things many people say people with diabetes can't. It might seem a bit rebellious at times but it feels good knowing I can do it... whatever it may be... and wake up to another tomorrow. I will not stop. I will not be broken. Hearing people say I can't only makes me want to push and punish myself even harder, while mentally punching them in the face. Hmm... I think I'll go have some more Halloween candy now.
Never say never, I've learned. You can always do more, you can continue even when doubting you're own strength. What's that saying... pain is weakness leaving the body?...

To a life of gluttony.

Numbers

This is a nice, simple video to help spread awareness of diabetes:

Find more videos like this on Tu Diabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes


Not just another number.
xo

Proof of Life

For those of you with diabetes, I think you will understand me when I say that my life is like a science experiment. So when asked 'what's it like to have diabetes?' I respond 'like a science experiement'. However, when I tell this to lay-persons they stare back at me quizically trying to comprend what I mean. I mean my life is run by numbers, tests, checks, re-tests, critical thinking, methodically planned events, trial and error, hypotheses, data ... science experiment. You'd think I'd be better in math by now...
Numbers run my life - age, weight, bank account, metro fares, time, distance, blood sugars, insulin doses, carb counting, nutrition labels... it's a never ending list.
I've recently re-started to log my blood sugars. I used to keep a cute little journal on my kitchen counter then I stopped after I moved to Maryland. I decided I should start again so now I have an Excel spreadsheet with time and doses and all those great little columns such as 'other', 'exercise' and 'notes' to analyze why my numbers are what they are. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it just doesn't. Diabetes is funny like that - such a joker. Logging, I belive, is a great way to stay in better control because you are fully aware of the number in that little box and all the other digits and data in the little boxes.
If I were diagnosed in elementary school this would have always been my project for the science fair. I definitely would have won over that girl who did the volcano project... ugh so chiche. But not everyone's imperfect like me, not everyone gets to have my amazing statistical and critical thinking abilites and must indeed rely on volcano projects and the solar system. Be jealous, it's ok, I totally understand. I am, after all, pretty awesome.
Experiments aside, diabetes has given me a greater respect for life and a better understanding of my body. It forces me stop and take a breather, to cherish the things that I have been given and the people that I would have never met had I never been diagnosed. So after all of these years, and probably many more to come, my daily experiments will continue. It may never come to a conclusion but I have my proof, my proof of life.

Word in Your Hand

what's yours?

My life, my style

So recently, I got some flack in the dlife blog world for my comments that diabetes is a lifestyle and not liking the words "diabetic" or "disease". Here are my thoughts and opinions on the above and why...
There are so many more aspects to diabetes than most people could ever possibly imagine. Diabetes is a part of my everyday life, it is what I do, it is what I want to teach people about, it is a part of who I am [note: I did not say who I am - just a part]. Together we rise and fall like the sun - constant, sometimes glorious, sometimes dark - but definitely always around. Aside from the injections, glicemias, glucotabs, etc., the part of diabetes some don't venture to talk about is the psyco-social aspect. In one of my college psych classes we watched a film called "What the bleep do we know?". Some parts were good, some were just rediculous, but one part has stuck with me. Dr. Masaru Emoto is a Japanese scientist who has studied the effects of water and our consciousness, sounds silly I know but once you've seen it, it's hard to forget. The gist is that positive reinforcements or negative actions have either postive or negative effects on ourselves. The example in the movie is the main character constantly telling herself that she is ugly and awkward and stupid. Dr. Emoto believes this changes our bodies ability to function properly [since we're mostly water] and becomes more susceptible to illness. On the other hand, when you think highly of yourself and have daily positive reinforcements our bodies are healthier because they are stronger. I have brought this concept into my daily life and my diabetes management. If I were to wake up daily saying how much I hate diabetes, how this disease is going to kill me, and/or how I wish for some other body than the one I have equipped with functioning organs, in essence, I'd be making myself worse. These negative thoughts and ideas have a profoundly harmful effect on our lives and how we perceive ourselves. So no, I don't say I have a disease, but a condition. I don't say I'm diabetic, but have diabetes. This is why. In all logic and dictionaries, yes, it means the same thing but the way I think about my condition doesn't have to have the same effect. Diabetes is my lifestyle because it is the way in which I choose to live. Happy, peaceful, calm, proud, healthy. I did not choose diabetes, it has chosen me - like a stray animal never wanting to leave your side... sometimes you're friends, sometimes you want to kick it in the head. Oh sorry, off topic, please don't kick animals that's just bad karma. Because of diabetes, I have found some amazing people and an inner-strength I may have never needed or found otherwise. We all have trials and tribulations but to add diabetes on to all of that, it can either make you or break you [sorry to be so cliche]. I choose to think this way about diabetes because I don't see any other way to do so. Diabetes is not something you can fight. In battle someone always loses and diabetes is going to be around for awhile. You must learn to live with it, to accept it, to rise and fall and rise again.

Feel the love.

http://www.adhikara.com/art_kunst/emoto/water-4.htm

http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm

http://www.spiritofmaat.com/archive/aug1/consciouswater.html