High, Hi, Hello

I've had a crappy week. From start to finish, last week just sucked. To push me over though on Saturday I got my bloodwork results back. I seriously thought my A1c would have dropped or possibly stayed the same from when the last time I got it done... but no. It went up... a whole percent! UGH! I feel like I've failed myself, I try so hard and then *bam* not good enough. Will it ever be good enough? How much harder do I need to push myself? All Saturday I beat myself in the head about it and was super depressed. Then, later on, I talked with some dia-buddies in Ecuador and they gave me some good advice... so I've calmed down a little... not much... I'm still mad. Ah! RELAX!!!! ok ok....
I know I shouldn't be mad and that's just how things go but for the first time in nearly eight years I began to worry about future complications. All the maybe's and what if's tore through my brain. How could I have let myself slip like this?? This is what I want to do with my life, how can I teach people how to care for themselves if I can't even care for me!? Is my insulin old? [no] Do I eat too much junk? [no] Why can't I get this?
Then, I took a deep breath and shut off my brain.
On Sunday, I decided I need to make some changes. I need to continue with my exercise because it makes me feel good. I need to cut some of the crap out of my diet [for now] until I can get my A1c down. I need to find that stupid cable that's in a box somewhere in the garage so I can upload my meter. My numbers were great that day too... probably cuz I was checking like a maniac and went to the gym for almost two hours...
I go back to Dr. J in May hopefully with better news...
::sigh::
This sucks.