long lost letters

wow. so much has happened since my last post. but i've been inspired to write again by a great friend and some recent life experiences, especially in regards to the 'betes.

this quote means so much to me right now. i can't help but think about the daily ups and downs of living with diabetes and how difficult it can be. quite frankly, it can be exhausting. i'm exhausted. but still we must carrying on.

i started logging my blood sugars again (yes, again, i know i should never have stopped... to err is to be human... and all that jazz) because i've been slipping and need to maintain tighter control. i need to take care of my body. every other aspect of my life is in some way recorded. i write down my exercise routines. i photograph my life. i make lists for just about everything... except for the biggest part of my life... my diabetes management. so for almost two weeks now i've been logging and realizing how out of whack i've been allowing myself to be. one of my biggest concerns is going low while i work out so, for some reason, being high was my option. that is not a good option. so i'm taking control. writing down my food (and being very boring about what i eat for now) and blood sugar levels, testing way more frequently to get a better sense of a pattern that might emerge.all the necessary things. i've also enlisted an amazing friend (nurse and cde) to be my coach. he's such a help... an inspiration that we can do this.... i mean he knows the drill too he's had diabetes for nearly 50 years. asking for help is also something i'm not too good at but i think we can all use the extra motivation, schedule time to talk with someone about what's going on in our lives. we must take care of our bodies.

as far as my 'diet' is concered i'm following the paleo diet. no grains. no legumes. only heavy cream/butter, if at all. i've also cut out coffee because it seems to make me go high and have switched to unsweetened green tea with lemon.

i'm starting to feel more in control of myself but not in an ocd way that will make me go crazy. i have reached the point where i do love my body and that the outside noise is just that, noise. the temptation to eat outside of my chosen lifestyle is fading. (but that's not to say people with diabetes can't eat whatever we want, because we can). i just choose not to because i'm trying to stay physically fit and lower my bmi and really change the way my body looks by increasing my muscle mass. anyway. it feels good to be back and i hope to continue to find time to write more about my journey in this crazy life. and i hope you continue to find it interesting.

i'm open for questions/comments so please feel free to ask me anything.

to our health.

diaversary

today is my 11th diaversary. 11 years. wow. it's amazing to think over the past years of all the injections, tests, doctor visits ... and just the changes in general, really. since 2000 - i've graduated college, started working/volunteering with AYUDA, moved to Texas [thanks Katrina], moved to Maryland, moved to Miami, graduated with a Masters, got my heart broken, moved back to Maryland and began life anew. all the while being vigilant of my blood sugar thanks to my broken pancreas [& stronger for it]. i'm not trying to say i'm amazing, but let's face it - i'm awesome. though i'm not the picture of perfect health, in every other aspect of my life i do all i can to live well and so far, i am.

so today, on this 11th year of my dx, to celebrate the awesomeness that is me, i'm going to have a cupcake. then i'm going to capoeira. then tomorrow will come and be just another day.

to tomorrow.

endo day

today i have an endo appt. i'm anxious bc i know my blood work is in and i'm hoping for good news, though i'm not really expecting to hear any. i'm also working toward my 11 year diaversary - march 15. this is going to be an emotion day. after this long, i thought i'd be over the emotional roller coaster with D but it seems there are still things that can upset me.... that's life though right? in other news, if you shop at Gap/Banana Republic/Old Navy you can save 30% and in the process donate 5% to the JDRF.

go forth and shop my friends!

retail therapy does wonders ;)

changes

so recently, the jdrf revealed it's new mission - which no longer focuses on a cure as it's main goal. jdrf is changing focus to help those of us with diabetes to live better lives with diabetes. i'm having seriously mixed emotions about this whole ordeal. on one hand i kind of knew all along i would never be "cured" on the other, i always had hope. hope is what kept me going - that one day i will no longer wake up to my daily routine of bg check, insulin, food, repeat. i don't need the jdrf to focus on me living better, i need the jdrf to figure out why. why me? why us? why diabetes? there has to be a logical reason, there has to be a way to stop it from happening. yes. technology does help me live a better life than the one my grandfather had but no i'm not content knowing one less group is looking for a cure. the dri continues to be "the best hope to a cure". i know where my money is going now... sorry jdrf... you give up on me, i give up on you.

one day.

inspiration

i love the inspiration that this man brings to the world of diabetes and people living with diabetes. i met him a few years ago but haven't been able to hear him speak since. it's a wonderful reminder that life goes on, diabetes sucks and we're allowed to feel exactly what we're feeling.

::sigh::

looking toward the sky.

the history of diabetes

This is a great Journal article on the history of diabetes... and it's an easy read.

You don't know where you're going unless you know where you've been...

http://www.journalofdiabetology.org/Pages/Releases/PDFFiles/FirstIssue/RA-1-JOD-09-001.pdf

cheers!

c'est la vie

i've been back from Paris for about a week now and still can't get over how AMAZING my blood sugar was while i was there... and no i did not behave. every morning for breakfast i had eggs, potatoes and 2, yes 2! chocolate croissants. for lunch i had more bread. and dinner i had more bread and cheese and wine and it was divine. my theory is not only was i walking everywhere [we barely sat long enough to have lunch] but i was blissfully happy. no stress, no thinking about my lack of full time employment, no worries about traffic... i was just peacefully content being lost in a new land. i've tried to bring my new outlook back with me to DC but it hasn't been as successful as i'd like. i don't get to walk very much, i work out frequently but at times that aren't too convenient. the eggs and potato breakfast quickly went by the wayside and there are no croissants waiting for me by the coffee pot.

i found an endo i like better than previous ones and he seems like he can shake me up a bit. i think i'm on the right track... i've also been journaling my numbers so i can get a better idea of how they're behaving. hopefully this will be the new beginning of a wonderful life together, big D and i.

here's hoping...

hip! hip! ....

so as we know it's diabetes month! whoop whoop! and today i have my first endo appt with a brand, spanking new doctor. we shall see how that goes. i've been feeling really down about this whole diabetes things lately and i could use some good advice. hopefully, i'll really like my new endo and he can get me back on track because lately things have been crazy. crazy bad, not crazy good. anywho... here's a great video from TuDiabetes and that picture of the cute little girl holding up the bottle of insulin? that's one of AYUDA's campers. [legally, i don't know if they're allowed to use that photo but whatever it's cute and of course everyone loves it. i just think AYUDA should get a little credit for it].

‎"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can."